The Years Between Were My Life
by LetMeWalkTheEarthWithYou
Summary: Spoiler Season 5 / DARK / - Sometimes she wonders when the thin line between him and her vanished, and they became one, - wonders when she fell in love with him. -


**Disclamer: I own nothing, everything belongs to their rightfull owners.**

* * *

**The Years Between Were My Life**

**.**

**.**

Sometimes she wonders when his hell became hers,

_(wonders when his need for revenge became her own-)._

Sometimes she wonders when the thin line between _him_ and _her_ vanished and they became _one,_

_(wonders when she fell in love with him-).  
_

.

There are days she wants to leave-

days she wants to run as far away as possible-

_(because she already knows-)_

in the end she´s going down with him.

(No matter what).

.

It´s his anger and his hatred that´s rushing through her vains-

consuming her-

_(like a fire)-_

eating her up slowly.

_Day by Day._

.

She sheds his tears,

_(alone)-_

in the darkness of her own bedroom.

Praying for some sort of solution,

_(for him)-_

_(for her)-_

For all of them.

.

She´s his heaven,

_like he is her road to hell._

His pain is tearing her apart -

_(clouding her mind)-_

clouding her jugement.

_(Making her weak.)_

She´s his strength,

_but he´s her weakness._

.

She´s not sure if he knows-

not sure if he cares-

_(he is too broken)-_

and she knows that she can´t fix it-

_(can´t fix him)-_

but she tries anyway.

(She can´t stand the thought of losing him).

.

_Good luck Teresa. Love you._

She can´t stop thinking about it,

but he already forgot.

_(It´s a lie through and through)._

Falling in love had never been part of his plan-

so he simply doesn´t.

_(He can´t)._

Maybe it´s the right thing to do.

_(Maybe)._

.

One night it just happens-

_(they just give in)-_

one moment they are screaming and yelling at each other-

and the next his lips are crashing down on hers and everything stands still.

They are both damaged-

_(and it´s wrong)_

_(so wrong)-_

but when he pushes her back against the wall of her office,

_(kissing her like no one ever had)-_

she tells herself that it´s alright.

_(Let go)._

_(Just let go)._

For one moment there´s no guilt, no anger and no pain-

- just love.

_(At least that´s what she tells herself)._

.

When it´s over-

the air is hot and heavy and the silence between them suffocating.

Her lips are bruised-

her heart shatterd.

_(Far beyond repair)-_

(just like the pictures and papers lying on the floor).

"I´m sorry," he finally whispers into the dark,

gathering his clothes and fleeing the room.

_(Leaving her.)_

_(Again)._

That´s all it takes to break her.

.

He comes back-

_(of course)-_

like he always does.

And it happens again and again-

_(like they lifted some kind of spell)._

They both know it´s wrong.

_(In so many ways)._

It hurts-

but it´s the only thing he can offer-

_(Pain)-_

_(Darkness)-_

_(Death)-_

and she´s willing to take whatever he´s able to give.

It´s his redemption-

_and her ruin._

.

_Maybe,_

He tells her one night

_(maybe)-_

maybe if things were different.

But they both know that´s not true.

If things were different they wouldn´t have met in the first place.  
.

She wants to hate him-

_(really wants to)-_

but instead she just hates herself-

_(for being weak)-_

and vulnerable.

(Just because of him).

_For loving him-_

even when he doesn´t love her back.

(At least not in the same way she does).

.

She´s his bait,

_(his way to catch Red John)-_

_(to tease him)-_

to bring _him_ down.

(To kill him in the end).

She´s not sure if it had been his plan all along,

_(maybe)-_

_(maybe not)-_

she´s not sure if she really wants to know.

.

One day,

_he´s going to leave-_

she already knows.

_(He told her)._

(The honest thing he ever said).

And she knows it´s selfish,

_(and horrible)-_

_and she will rot in hell for it-_

but a part of her broken mind

(and her shattered soul)-

_- wants Red John to live-_

so he will stay.

(Right beside her).

_(She´s ashamed of herself for even thinking about it)._

.

She knows she will follow him into the dark-

_(and through)-_

like she already did so many times before.

Willing to do anything to end his endless nightmare-

_(To set him free)._

And she will stay-

_(until the end)-_

_(willing to sacrifice even her own life)-_

in order to give him some of that peace he so desperately seeks.

Maybe it´s love-

_(maybe it´s just stupid)-_

but she´s already doomed anyway.

.

One day-

_(whenever he may come)-_

_- loving him-_

will be the death of her.

The scary thing is-

_she doesn´t even care._

.

I love you.

.

.

* * *

******Disclamer: I own nothing, Everything belongs to their rightfull owners.**


End file.
